Weddings & Life with Taylor Nicole, a podcast by Denver Wedding Photographer,
Taylor Nicole Photography
Intro- Okay let’s cut right to the chase, have you been called a bridezilla? Or have you called someone a bridezilla before? Well without spoiling this episode I will just say you are going to want to listen in. So if you’re planning a wedding, or someone close to you is planning a wedding this episode is going to be full of perspective and I’d really like you to listen and pass it on!
Thanks for listening to another episode! I have truly loved recording these and taking time to be inspired in planning what to share with you all. If you have a moment to click over and leave a rating or review on the podcast platform you are listening from that would be a big help. And if you find this episode helpful or insightful sharing this with a friend would be awesome! That is the best way for new listeners to find out about the podcast is by hearing about it from a friend.
So do you want to know the slightly awkward part of starting a podcast that no one warns you about… you start out with very few episodes/content. I almost think a podcast is more valuable after it has been around for a while instead of right from the beginning. But what I’ve realized is while we’re only at episode number 13, if I don’t start sharing life stories and details then that will be weird later on, because there are 13 other episodes haha. So I thought I’d start some of these episodes with a quick life story or update. This one is fun. Austin and I have made a commitment to learning film photography this year! I have been slowly adding that into my sessions and weddings, but it is a big learning curve because it takes me a bit to meter for the lighting and to get the settings right. So my lesson so far is that Winter is not the best time to add film into my workflow, because as much as I want those nostalgic and grainy images my clients are quite literally freezing while I try to get my settings ready for the picture. I’m based in Denver, Colorado for anyone new out there, so Winter here is so cold!
I am trying to get more experience photographing on my 35mm film cameras, but I am also so so tempted to go ahead and buy my first medium format film camera body. I have been price shopping them several times per week. I am a spender when it comes to my business, I don’t often hold back from what I know can make my images better, more beautiful or easier to take. Good thing my husband balances me out so I don’t spend everything I make. So I will have to give you another update on the podcast if I end up splurging on the medium format or not.
Alright, now on to the actual topic. This is one of my many soap box episodes. I actually went back and forth on whether or not to share an episode like this. I have negative emotions linked up with the word bridezilla and I always want this podcast to be encouraging. I’ve re-written this twice now and I think I have it figured out.
So let’s start by defining what the term bridezilla means– a woman whose behavior in planning her wedding is regarded as obsessive or intolerably demanding
Now I’ve also heard about groomzillas- A demanding and perfectionistic groom
These are the first definitions on google. Now another quick google search showed me where the term bridezilla came from-
I was reading about the term on grammarist’s website and Bridezilla was first used in the 1990s by Diane White in an article called “Tacky Trips Down the Aisle,” published by the Boston Globe newspaper in 1995. In the article, White describes bridezillas as women who “lose sight of the solemnity of the wedding”
Now there are legitimate reality TV shows about bridezillas, so I guess I can’t argue that bridezillas don’t exist. I will however argue that calling someone a bridezilla is just plain old name calling. Yes you heard it from me, I think bridezilla is a very tacky term and I truthfully wish people would stop using it.
So I did a bit of online reading about why someone might be called a bridezilla/groomzilla. Basically if you’re too fixated on the wedding to focus on anything else, you have high or unrealistic expectations for your wedding day and you snap at others easily while wedding planning.
I feel so sad reading that list because to me none of those attributes or behaviors should lead to anyone being name called. Actually, if you feel like some of that can describe you while you wedding plan I think it actually means you need more help, encouragement and support from others.
So first of all, when it comes to being one tracked about the wedding.. I personally think it’s common to be one tracked. My poor husband usually gets an earful of my business updates when he gets home from work in the evenings because I need someone to share it all with. I feel like weddings could be similar. Maybe you’ve had a long day of planning or finding your inspiration for your wedding day, you’ve probably kept that more to yourself, then as soon as you get around someone who is fun and open to talking wedding details you let it all spill. Sounds normal to me! Now something my husband and I have improved on and maybe this might help you too… is that he helps me turn off my work brain and focus on other things from time to time too. So if you’re struggling on being too one tracked with the wedding know that first of all, it’s just a season, and it is helpful to have someone to talk through all the details and plans with. Needed to vent or talk is not a bad thing. Make sure the person you’re venting to knows how much you appreciate them for listening. And then when you’ve finished venting ask for help thinking or focusing on other things too.
Also a tip I’ve heard for wedding planning is to do it more in scheduled or allowed times. So you would have the time to brainstorm together about the plans of the day, talk through it all and accomplish specific tasks. Then you can step away knowing that you got done what you needed to at this point and you can go back to enjoying and focusing on other things.
Now remember I am a very literal person who doesn’t love criticism, I can’t remember specifically being referred to as a bridezilla, but I definitely had a built in fear of being called one. I remember being extra cautious as I voiced my opinion or made timelines and decisions about my wedding day because I didn’t want to come across as a bridezilla. I remember caring about the little details of my wedding, and probably more on the extreme end. For example, I got married under an old chandelier and 2 or 3 of the light bulbs were burnt out. So after days of thinking about it, I contacted my venue coordinator and asked her if I could purchase a few new light bulbs for the chandelier myself and just have someone install them. All I needed was to know what kind to buy. In the end they said no, it was too old to replace just a few of the bulbs and told me I risked the whole light not working. Those were some of the things I felt detail oriented about. And personally I think that was okay to care about the small details that someone else might not have.
Now from a vendor’s perspective. I want to encourage you that it is OKAY to be detail oriented. In fact, if you work with me and you are detail oriented I can guarantee I won’t call you or even think of you as a bridezilla. I think of you as someone who cares deeply about the details of your day, because I was that way too.
Next on the list is snapping about wedding mishaps, that happens. I’ve definitely seen some impromptu tears on the wedding day when the weather takes a turn for the worse, or something goes completely awry. My hope for you is that you can have a good plan and a trust worthy team of vendors so that you can be as prepared as possible before your wedding that little changes or the weather or other things don’t catch you by complete surprise. I’d also say for this to try to lean on your support team, your fiancé, friends and family before and during the wedding. Hopefully you don’t have to snap, and even if you do snap a bit, I hope no one calls you a bridezilla.
In fact, here are things I wish people would say instead of calling someone a bridezilla…
“You seem overwhelmed with the wedding, can I help you in any way?”
“Do you need a friend to talk through wedding details with? I’m all ears”
“I am so sorry this is stressful, what can I do to help”
Or if none of those are working… I wish they would just not say anything at all, much better than calling someone a name.
I get asked a lot of questions when I share with people that I am a wedding photographer.. One of the most common is ‘Oh have you worked with any bridezillas lately?’ And I honestly can’t imagine ever referring to a client that way. I usually end up replying that I actually love my clients and am so blessed to work with such great people in this career.
I am stepping out and assuming that this podcast audience is going to be people similar to myself and not those on the reality TV shows, and I know that everyone, not just the TV show stars can struggle in how they feel entitled or deal with their entitlement and can act rudely or impulsively. But in my opinion I just cannot understand why it would be okay to call someone a bridezilla, or groomzilla for that matter even if they are being extra or ridiculous! I am a very literal person, so this might seem light to you but my hope is that this episode can be encouraging for someone out there listening who has been called a bridezilla when they didn’t think they deserved that term. Or helpful to anyone out there like I was as a bride being worried and letting fear navigate what they do and don’t share about their wedding planning experience out of fear of being called a bridezilla.
Case study- if bridezilla is an acceptable term then why don’t we call out seniors in in college for being stressed out about graduation, or why don’t we call out parents stressed before leaving on a big family trip or vacation. Why don’t we can out people for being overly detail oriented before they build their first home? And in general… why is it okay to name call? I vote we leave the name calling behind and do our best to encourage and build eachother up, even if someone is over stressing about wedding plans. If you know someone planning their wedding you can do your best to encourage them and be on their support team. Even if that means listening to wedding plans and being an ear to vent to from time to time. Wedding planning is a season, and in general it is a fairly short season most engagements being 6-18 months.
I just think it’s more than a little petty that we have termed the name bridezilla for a girls planning their wedding days. Or groomzilla for guys. So if you’re planning a wedding and you’re feeling like you’re caring or obsessing about the details too much then I’d encourage you to talk with your family or fiancé a bit, invite them into your wedding planning brain and get encouragement and help. You aren’t a bridezilla and you deserve to have help with whatever you’re struggling with while planning your wedding.
I hope this episode was encouraging for you. And if you know anyone who needs to hear this maybe share it with a friend.